Lost Ones
by OhSorry-DidIOffendYou
Summary: This is a dark Samcedes fanfic with special appearances by Puckcedes, Quam, etc. These characters will be almost completely different from those you see on TV, but the one thing that will remain the same is the love they have for eachother. DONTOWNGLEE
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

The beautiful man with the hazel eyes stared into her brown ones with a combination of lust, confusion and disbelief. Hands still firm around her bare waist.

Puck: What do you mean _no_?

Mercedes: I'm not _FUCKING _you (she says biting her bottom lip accentuating the _F_ in _FUCK_)

He scoffs as she turns around to the desk he has her backed against and continues organizing a clients' art portfolio.

Mercedes: Feel free to take that as a queue to get the fuck out of my house

She says absentmindedly still facing a pile of sketches and a line of coke. She bends over; oblivious to the fact that puck is still close behind, and unintentionally rubs her backside against his flesh as she sniffs. She rests both arms on the desk eyes closed praying that the high hits her soon.

He presses back in an overtly sexual manner and leans forward to whisper, lips brushing against her ear

Puck: I will, as soon as you take care of my problem.

She glares at him and he is met with a thunderous humorless laugh, She scoffs then moves her face as close as she can get without physically touching him; with a stern, determined expression, eager for him to see how serious the words that are about to escape her mouth are.

Mercedes: I don't blow, suck, or _fuck_ married cock. (She said letting the _ck_ in _cock_ linger)

She raises a brow expectantly, knowing, waiting for his pathetic attempt at an explanation. Nothing…

Mercedes: You should have told me Noah.

She says showing a brief expression of hurt for the first time with in the confrontation, but it disappears so fast that it's a question if it was there to begin with. She stares at him, features numb as they have grown accustomed to being.

Puck: Honestly, I didn't think you'd give a fuck.

She scoffs rolling her eyes shifting her weight to the other foot.

Puck: What? You were the one who said all you wanted was to fuck. Nothing official, no emotional attachments, no commitment.

She sighs and turns back to her desk opting to cut this conversation short

Mercedes: You know what, its fine. Don't even worry about it, just get your shit, and be gone.

She says nonchalantly. While she has her back turned to him, he slips his arms around her waist and whispers in her ear with her favorite grin sketched across his face

Puck: Come on…

On a regular day _that_ grin, that magnificent grin-on _those _lips, those come evoking lips is all it would take to get her to let him fuck her any way he pleased. But not today, not any day that he was a married man. She shook her head and gripped the edge of the desk with both arms. _God, this isn't going to be easy _she thought to herself.

He swiftly lifted her pink silk robe over her ass and used his thumb to slide the crotch of her black lace undergarments to the side. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. _Fuck_ she thought, _god give me the strength_. He switfly pulled out his member and rubbed it against her slick lower set of lips.

Mercedes: Mmmh

She moaned involuntarily.

Puck: That's right

He whispered huskily with a victorious smirk. Little did he know, he hadn't won shit. As much as her body needed him, she couldn't do it. She couldn't knowingly play a part in his deceit, a part in the pain he'd be causing to his wife. She couldn't put another woman through that, she remembered the agony she felt when the first time Sam had cheated on her. She refused to put another woman through that.

Mercedes: No!

She said sternly slowly turning around to face him.

Mercedes: Get the fuck out

She spat through gritted teeth in a whisper.

Puck: I don't understand why you're acting like such a FUCKING bitch about this! We both know you don't give a fuck about the fact that I'm married, so why the sudden change. Huh?

He said staring intensely into her eyes searching for an answer. Nothing. She stared back blankly, she just wanted him to leave, so she figured she'd let him continue on with his little bitch fit to his hearts' content, then he would go home and fuck his wife. But then he smirked at her, and she knew that wouldn't be the case. he refused to be the only one walking away from this situation pissed off.

Puck: Don't tell me its cause Evans back.

Puck scans the luminescent glass pool house and shakes his head.

Puck: You know, I thought for sure you'd be out of here by now. What's it like? Knowing that he's merely feet away from you (puck says gesturing to the house through the window) fucking other women? The fact that you stayed here after everything he did, is quite pathetic. (He laughs heartily) I'm sorry; I just can't believe your still here, just waiting for him.

She was getting pissed now, try as she might, she couldn't pretend his words weren't affecting her.

Mercedes: Shut up Noah. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

He shook his head, and then tilted it to the side, observing her.

Puck: You know Mercedes; I always thought you were so much stronger than that, but for the first time I can see you for who you really are

He said looking her up and down, she shook her head denying his awaiting accusation knowing exactly where he was going with this.

Puck: That right there-

He said pointing to her nightstand that nursed an abundance of depressants and narcotics.

Puck: -Says it all. You don't deal with things, cause you're a scared little girl. You don't want to see what's right in front of your face. You're weak. Maybe he saw it too; maybe that's why he fucked Quin-

She slapped him. Hard. Her hand hurt, but then he slapped her back, and she couldn't feel the pain that was in her hand anymore. She could feel him there, staring at her, but she couldn't bring her eyes to meet his. _I can't believe that bastard fucking hit me._

Puck: Mercedes-

He began voice thick with remorse and regret. Then suddenly the slide door whipped open, she closed her eyes as soon as she heard _him-_

: What the Fuck is going on in here


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Suddenly the warmth from pucks body was gone. Using everything in her path as support, she staggered (not from pain but from disbelief) over to her bed and laid back staring at the ceiling_. I can't believe that son of bitch fucking hit me._

She heard them shouting at each other, that's when it reoccurred to her that _he_ was here. She heard the commotion, the struggle, things breaking, but she didn't care. She couldn't bring herself to look, how could she when _He_ was there. So she stared at the ceiling unable to suppress her feelings any longer.

Her self-prescribed "medication" no longer served its purpose of making her numb. The commotion stopped, and she heard their voices again. She touched her cheek, and ironically, at that moment in time, it was the only wound she couldn't feel. She stared at the ceiling and reflected on everything that's happened over the past three years. Reflects on the person she used to be, the person she's become. _How the fuck did I get here? _

She heard the door slide open and close, and then there was one voice. She didn't look; she didn't move she didn't need to. She knew that voice, it was Sam's' voice. _Sam_. He was the reason she was here. He killed her essence. He opened her up, made her love him, trust him; fucked her thoroughly, fucked her over, then left.

Her eyes swelled with tears. He had been back for a week, but this was the first time she has been in such close proximity to him since he left. He left her without as much as a goodbye. That was three months ago.

Sam: What happened to you cedes (_what the fuck did he just call me_), how could you let him hurt you like that.

He asked accent thick breathing heavily, rage and compassion clear in his tone. At that she laughs finally allowing her tears to escape down the sides of her face. She sits up and stares at him with an involuntary pained expression.

Mercedes: Trust me, that was nothing compared to what you did.

He meets her gaze with a pain of his own, _but why? You're the one who cheated, you're the one who left, all I did was love you. What reason could you possibly be hurt for? You know what…fuck it! I don't care, I don't want to know, I don't want to talk, and I damn sure don't want to listen. God, just get the fuck out of my face, I can't deal with this._ Suddenly her thoughts were cut off by his voice.

Sam: Im sorry

Mercedes: oh god

She lays back again shutting her eyes then covering them with the back of her arm for good measure

Sam: Cedes-

Sam is surprised to see an irate Mercedes standing before him realizing for the first time she's in nothing but a strapless bra, matching undergarments and a silk robe that barely reaches the middle of her thigh. How he missed those thighs, wrapped securely around his wais-

Mercedes: Don't fucking call me that!

He's quickly brought back to reality when he see's tears spilling out of her eyes. He's rendered speechless. This is all his fault. She wipes her tears away pain still evident on her face as she mumbles barely above a whisper.

Mercedes: You don't get to call me that anymore. Just….go.

For a moment all he can do is stare at her. Even broken, she is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. She shakes her head at him and he cringes at the disappointment in her eyes.

Sam: You have to know that I love you…

_How dare you, you don't get to tell me that you love me. You left. After you promised you'd never hurt me. You left_. She rubs her temples and squeezes her eyelids shut.

Mercedes: Just leave.

She whispers, he takes a deep breath.

Sam: Mercedes (he exhales)

Mercedes: Just Leave! Go!

Sam: No! just, hear me out. I know I hurt you-

Mercedes: -Leave! Get out! I don't want to hear it just go!

She's screaming now, tears streaming down her cheeks. He knows he should respect her wishes and leave, he was the one who fucked everything up after all. But after being gone for so long, he couldn't let any more time pass by without her in his life. He had to fix this. He wasn't going anywhere till she let him explain his self.

He wouldn't budge. He just sat there. So she fisted his shirt in her small hands and pulled him up by his collar shoving him towards the door.

Mercedes: Go! Get the fuck out!

Once they get to the door he stops, and no matter how hard she pushes he won't move. Suddenly he's facing her, a stubborn look on his face.

Sam: I'm not going anywhere.

She slaps him. Hard. Harder than she slapped Noah, but he doesn't slap her back, he just stands there. So she slaps him again _god that feels good_. But the next time she goes to slap him he catches her wrist, so she slaps him with her free hand while she tries to jerk the other away.

Sam: Stop!

Suddenly she finds that he has both of her hands in a firm grip and although she's trying with all her strength to free them, he's not letting go. After trying to kick him she finds herself trapped with her back against the wall hands pinned above her head. He can tell she's tired of fighting but she won't let up. So he coos in her ear as soothingly as he could praying it will calm her down.

Sam: I'm not going anywhere.

He can feel her body shake as the sobs escape her quivering lips.

Sam: I'm Sorry

He whispers. Tears are swelling in his eyes as he's forced to see the full extent of the pain he has caused for the first time since he left three months ago.

Mercedes: Let go of me

She chokes out broken and distorted.

Sam: I'm Sorry

He mumbles against the soft skin of her neck

Sam: I'm Sorry

He mumbles against her jaw, and chin, as she turns her head from side to side trying to move as far away from him as possible

Sam: I'm Sorry

He mumbles against her lips. Then he brushes his lips against hers, and for a moment she stops everything. Stops fighting to get away. Stops crying. Stops breathing. He does it again, and she lets him. She doesn't respond to his lips, she just closes her eyes and feels them on hers. _You're really here. You're really back. I thought I'd never see you again and here you are. Right here in front of me; kissing me. I could feel you. This is real_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

He kisses her again, and this time she kisses him back. Slowly their intertwined fingers dragged along the wall. Once parallel to her shoulders she lets go of his hands and wrapps one around his neck while the other occupies his hair pulling him closer. His hands continued to slide down against the wall on either side of her till they met her bare waist.

As the kiss deepens she frantically pulls at his shirt until he swiftly lifts it over his head, and tosses it on her bed. Before the shirt hits the ground their lips are reconnected. He squeezes both breasts rubbing each erect nipple with his thumbs soliciting a thick husky moan from her. Her mind is racing. She shouldn't be letting him touch her like this. She's hurt, angry. One thing for sure was that right now, all she wanted was to feel him. All she needed was to feel him. Inside.

He wraps her legs around his waist and she can't help but grind her hot center against his engorged member. He walks her over to her desk making sure to shove everything on it to the floor before he gently places her on it; their lips never once breaking contact.

She leans back using her arms to hold herself up as he pulls down her black soaking wet lace undergarments. Once their off he resumes his position between her spread legs. He licks, sucks, and kisses a trail down her neck as he unclasped her bra. As soon as he releases her breast he takes one in his mouth sucking mercilessly on her erect nipple.

She grinds against the desk hoping to relieve at least a fraction of that feeling boiling in the pit of her stomach. He's driving her crazy; she reaches down and pulls his rock hard member to her entrance. He kisses her, then grabs the sides of her thighs and pulls her to the edge of the table fully thrusting inside of her. Both of their breaths hitch and although their lips are touching, they aren't kissing. All you hear is heavy panting as they both try to catch their breaths.

_I can't believe he's here._ He slowly pulls out and quickly thrust in again. _Fuck that feels good_. He's the first to move his lips, sucking, biting, but all she can do is try and catch her breath. It seems every time she thinks she's has he thrust harder and it's gone again. She finally kisses him back. She kisses him with three missed months of emotion, three missed months of passion, and three missed months of love. She kisses him with everything she has.

Suddenly she pulls away from the kiss and stares intensely into his eyes coming to a realization. _I'm giving him too much_. She pushes him till he has completely pulled out and hops off of the desk. _Don't give him that part of you cedes, never give him that part again._ She switches positions with him, using her hand to push him to the spot she just vacated. Once he's lying with his back flat against the desk she climbs on top of him.

She wastes no time reconnecting to him with a quick hard thrust. Biting her lips, eyes tightly shut she rides him, hard fast. He leans up to kiss her but she pushes him down before he can reach her lips. The hole dynamic changed. They went from slow intense lovemaking to fast hard fucking. And that's how she liked it; now days anyway. _Just fuck him and send him on his way_ Just like puck said "Nothing official, no emotional attachments, no commitment" _Oh FUCK! I'm cumming, mmmhh, oh god_. She can feel his hot seed spraying inside of her. She stops bouncing opting to grind on his hard cock till she comes down from her high.

He reaches up caress her cheek but she slaps his hand away. She slides off of him tightening her silk robe around her bare body and walks towards the door. She slides it open and stares at him. He leans on his elbows staring at her in disbelief.

Sam: You can't be serious?

She just stares at him with a blank expression. He scoffs at her, walking over to the bed he sits down and begins to redress. He runs his hands through his hair then walks over to her gazing intensely into her eyes.

Sam: Mercedes, we have to talk about what just happened, about where we stand, about everything that happened before I lef-

Mercedes:-No we don't.

Sam: Mercedes

He begs running his hands through his hair again.

Mercedes: We fucked Sam. Fucked. As far as what happened before you left, I know. Quinn told me everything. And there is no us.

Sam: That was more than a fuck; we both know that it was so much more than tha-

Mercedes: Oh god, don't flatter yourself Sam. That could have just as well been puck. Look, I was in need of a good fucking, and you gave it to me. Ok? Well, now that that's established.

Mercedes gestures towards the door but Sam has different plans. He holds her face in his hands and leans down till he is eye level with her.

Sam: You don't have to put up this front, Mercedes, not with me. I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I need to tell you that but I will. I'm not going anywhere Mercedes. I love you, do you hear me? I love you. I won't stop fighting to convince you that till you believe it, no matter how long it takes.

Mercedes stares back expressionless, tone monotonous, she carries on to say.

Mercedes: Do you think that means something to me. Your words don't mean a thing. Not anymore. The fact that you think that after all this time, after everything you put me through. I would even consider letting you back in is insulting. You think I love you. I see it in your eyes. You think I still love you, but I don't. Don't Waste your time Sam.

Sam: I'm going to fight for you, I'm gonna make you see. No one will ever love you like I do.

Mercedes: Don't waste your time Sam-

Sam: And even though you can't see it right now, you'll never love anyone else like you love me.

Sam kisses her forehead and walks out the door.

Mercedes: Sam

She calls out to him, he stops and turns around intently, waiting to hear what she has to say.

Mercedes: You'll never have me like you had me before. You'll never have my heart. But if you're ever in need of a good fuck, you know where to find me. It's been so long, I almost forgot how good you were at that.

She smiles at him before sliding her door shut. All he can do is stare into the space she just vacated and shake his head. This is going to be harder than he thought.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

The sound of Mercedes alarm clock pierces her ears; she detangles herself from her bed sheets to check the time. _11 am? Shit _she rolls out of bed and staggers over to her vanity mirror. _Who the fuck has a baby shower at 12 a clock in the fucking afternoon on a fucking Saturday. _She examines her face closely, checking for any damage that may have been done from the night before. Nothing, she smiles to herself relieved she doesn't have to sport oversized glasses and a pint of concealer._ Thank god Noah Puckerman hits like a bitch!_ Her smile quickly fades as her mind replays the events from the night before. _I can't believe he hit me, I wonder if he's going to the baby shower, for his sake, I hope not. Knowing my luck he'll probably be there. They all will._

She doesn't pull into the Cohen-Chang residence until 12:45; she hops out of her range rover, runs to her trunk, pulls out the baby's gift, and then jogs through the side entrance of the estate towards the back yard. She's not surprised to see the party's already in full effect. The backyard is full of Mike and Tina's family members, and friends. Most of the adults are sitting around tables gossiping as their children run around ramped.

As she puts her present down on the gift table she sees Mike, and Tina approaching with wide smiles spread across their faces that she can't help but return. She hugs Mike first, then Tina who seems reluctant to let go.

Mercedes: You look beautiful

Tina: You have to say that

Mercedes: I say it cause It's true. You're glowing.

Tina's demeanor quickly changes from joyous to concern. _Here we go. _Mercedes tries her hardest not to roll her eyes at the 21 questions she knows are about to escape one of her closest friend's mouth_._

Tina: How are you dealing with things?

Mercedes: I'm fine, every things fine

Tina: Its just no ones really heard from you, or seen you since everything went down at your new years party. It worries me to think that you've been dealing with this whole thing on your own.

Mercedes: T, honey, you have nothing to worry about, ok? I'm fine. And besides, Puck and Santana have been helping me deal with everything.

_By fucking any stressful thoughts far, far away._

Tina: Right. Mike told me Sam's staying at the house?

Mercedes: It's in his name and he refuses to leave-

Tina: That bastard, I can't believe he's giving you a hard time about this, you love that house. I mean he got it for you, and after everything he's put you through, he should be the one to leave. What are you gonna do M?

Mercedes: I'm staying in the guest house, for now. Santana's has a friend in real-estate who's looking into getting me a condo in Miami.

Tina: Miami? You're leaving New York?

Mercedes: Yeah, I think it'll be good for me to get away, but let's talk less about me and more about the fact that in a few short weeks, you're going to be a mommy. How do you feel?

Mercedes exclaims excitedly rubbing Tina's belly, who giggles in response

Tina: Honestly, I'm scare shitless

Mercedes grabs both of Tina's hands and squeezes them reassuringly; she can see Quinn approaching from the corner of her eyes but chooses to ignore her.

Mercedes: You have absolutely nothing to worry about; you're going to be a great mom.

Mike: I'm going to go see if puck needs a hand with those beers in the cellar.

Quinn: Hi Mercedes

_Fuck you._

Mercedes: I'll go

Mercedes swiftly turns without saying a word to Quinn and heads towards the cellar grabbing a yellow plastic baseball bat from Mike's little cousin in the process. She walks down the steps to find Puck kneeling with his back to her placing beers inside of a cooler. He turns his head when he hears someone coming down; he stares at her with an apology on the tip of his tongue, she can tell by the way he's looking at her, but she doesn't want to hear it.

Puck: Mercedes, I'm so-

Before he can finish his sentence the side of his face is met with the yellow baseball bat and he tips over. She strikes again with a smile on her face, this time she goes for the rib, she hits the same spot over and over again ignoring his shocked voice trying and failing at getting her attention.

Puck: Mercedes!

Mercedes: What?

Puck: Stop!

Mercedes: Oh you want me to stop? Well you should have thought about that shit before you decided to put your hands on me motherfucker.

Puck: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit you, or said any of that shit to you. You didn't deserve it. I was having a bad day and I took it out on you and I was wrong… I saw my dad.

Mercedes stops hitting him as soon as he mentions his father, she should have known. Every time that man shows up he leaves puck all kinds of fucked up. She slides down the wall adjacent to him winded and listens to what he has to say, expression still hard. He sits up and wipes the blood from his busted lip before speaking again.

Puck: He said he was clean, that he was sorry, and that he wanted to start over again. I don't know what the fuck possessed me to believe him but I did. When I woke up the next day he was gone, along with half my things. Can you believe that shit?

She gets up, walks over to the deep freezer, and pulls out a bag of frozen veggies. She kneels down in front of him and he winces when she slaps it to his face. She sighs deeply before opening her mouth to speak.

Mercedes: Look puck, I get it ok. I know how it is between the two of you and I'm sorry about what he did, but that doesn't change the fact that you should have told me you were married. Or the fact that if you ever even think about raising a hand to me ill cut it off.

Puck: I'm sorry Mercedes

Mercedes: I know you are

Puck: So does this mean I'm forgiven

Mercedes: It means you can roam freely without worrying about me popping out of a corner with a baseball bat

He smiles at that before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a business card. He hands it to her before standing up. She observes it before rising to her feet and turning her gaze to him.

Mercedes: The fuck is this

Puck: You know what that is, its Dr. Kareamies phone number and the address to her office. You promised me you'd give her a chance, she takes walk-ins every day at 2.

Mercedes: I don't want it, it's a waste of time and money.

Puck: I told you I'd pay for it, and I don't care if you want it or not, you need it. Besides you gave me your word.

Mercedes: That was before, when I was fucked up, but I'm fine now, look at me, I'm perfectly fine. I don't need to go to a therapist and cry about all the fucked up shit that's happened to me, or all the dysfunctional relationships in my life. I need to move on. Forget about all the shit that makes me miserable, and indulge in the things that make me happy.

Puck: Right, right. Like getting high? avoiding all your friends, and family so you don't have to answer their questions about what the fuck you're doing with your life?

Mercedes: You forgot fucking and my job; those are things that make me happy too.

Puck: Mercedes you know what happens when you keep shit bottled in-

Mercedes: Puck I'm fine! I'm absolutely fine…We should probably get up there with the beers; Mike and Tina probably think we're fucking down here.

Mercedes grabs one end of the cooler and Puck grabs the other, they walk up the stairs in a comfortable silence. Once they reach the top she sees perfectly dirty blonde hair blowing in the spring breeze. She sighs when she sees his jaw clench at the sight of Puck and rolls her eyes at the confrontation she knows awaits. _I gotta get the fuck outa here_.

Sam: Can I talk to you for a minute

Mercedes: Now's not really a good time

Sam: So **he** gets 30 minutes with you and I can't even get one.

Mercedes: What, are you stalking me now?

Sam: no, I saw you go down there, I needed to talk to you; I was waiting for you to come back up, I didn't realize you were with him, What we're two doin down there

Mercedes: what's it look like Sam?

Mercedes says gesturing to the cooler in her and Pucks hand. Puck grins at Sam which only further irritates him.

Sam: It takes half an hour for two pairs of hands to put 40 beers in a cooler?

Mercedes: You know what, Fuck you Sam. FUCK YOU! What I do, who I do it with, and where I do it is NONE of your FUCKING! business. We are NOT together anymore; you DONT get to interrogate me every fucking time you see me doing something you don't fucking like.

Mercedes turns towards puck lifting the cooler to his chest; she grabs Dr. Kareamies business card from his hand, and turns towards Sam with a forced smile on her face.

Mercedes: As much as I would love to do this with you right now, I have a doctor's appointment to get to, so how about a rain check.

She backs away towards her truck but turns to puck before jumping inside

Mercedes: Tell T and Mike I had to go, and that I'm sorry. Tell them ill make it up to them.

She sits outside of the building staring out her windshield weighing her options. _Maybe I should just go in, see what all the hypes about. What the fuck am I saying? It's pointless, nothing that woman has to say can help me_.

Mercedes walks up to Dr. Kareamies desk and rest both arms on them.

Mercedes: My so called best friend is a backstabbing cunt who has fucked me over so many times I've lost count, yet still I miss her psychotic ass. The bastard I was supposed to marry is trying to work his way back into my life after 4 years of complete and utter fuckery, but I can't help but be in complete and utter love with his conniving ass. I've been avoiding my friends, pushing them all away, one by one and it's driving me fucking crazy cause I don't think I've ever needed them as much as I need them now. I spend all of my free time, getting high, partying and fucking. I hate what I've become, I wish I could go back to the person I use to be, I liked her, loved her even. but I don't have the slightest idea as to where the fuck she's gone, or how to get her back.

Mercedes takes a deep breath before sitting back in her chair and resting her legs on Dr. Kareamies desk

Mercedes: Now…fix me


	5. Chapter 5

Dr. Kareamie: Well, that's a lot you've got going on there…?

Mercedes: Mercedes

Dr. Kareamie: Mercedes. My name is Vidya Kareamie.

Mercedes: Right, nice to meet you doc, now. Diagnose me.

Dr Kareamie: I'm afraid it isn't going to be that easy, I need more information

Mercedes: I already told you everything, what more information could you need.

Dr. Kareamie: I need to know everything.

Mercedes: Where do you want to start.

Dr. Kareamie: Well, was there ever a time in your life where everything wasn't so complicated and chaotic, a time where these people who you say cause you so much grief were pleasant to be amongst?

Mercedes: yes

Dr. Kareamie: Then why don't we start there.

Mercedes: I remember being happiest when my dad was alive. He died when I was 9; he was the one person who I never doubted loved me.

Dr. Kareamie: What about your mother?

Mercedes: She tolerated me, while he was alive. But when he died, she minus well have died too.

Dr. Kareamie: Wow, so you must've felt alone

Mercedes: No, never alone, I had Sam, and Puck, and Santana, and eventually Quinn. They became my family.

Dr. Kareamie: I am assuming this is the same Sam who has caused nothing but complete and utter fuckery in your life for the last four years?

Mercedes: Physically yes, but in essence. No.

Dr. Kareamie: What do you mean by that?

Mercedes: Yes, it was the same Sam I was supposed to marry, but at the same time it's not. He was different then; he was…good, innocent even.

Dr. Kareamie: Tell me more about what he was like, and when he changed.

Mercedes: He was happy, and caring. He was my best friend. He was two years older than me, which I loved, cause he was so much more mature than the other boys. He was beautiful, inside out. His parents use to fight a lot, and I remember that every night I would leave my window open for him. And if his parent's arguments ever got too heated, he would climb up the side of my house. And even though he was bigger than me I would hold him, and hum to him till he'd fall asleep. It's the only time I had ever seen him so vulnerable. He'd always be gone by the time I woke up in the morning. And when I'd see him in school, or just…around the next day, he'd always look so happy. Like a completely different boy from the one crying in my arms the night before.

Dr. Kareamie: How long did the impromptu sleepovers last for?

Mercedes: two years

Dr. Kareamie: And did any sexual activity take place?

Mercedes: I was 11 years old. No, it was completely innocent.

Dr. Kareamie: Why did they stop?

Mercedes: Well, I guess Sam's mother grew fed up of all the fighting, cause she left. She took her kids with her

Dr: It must have been hard saying good bye, do you remember how you reacted when you found out?

Mercedes: Yea, I found out the night of my thirteenth birthday. I remember having this huge extravaganza at this popular carnival in the town over. Sam wasn't there, and I was so angry at him cause he hadn't called or texted to let me know he wouldn't make it, but Puck and Santana made it their mission for me to have a good time, and I did. But it didn't last long. Half way through the party it started pouring and we had to cancel. Everyone went home. My mother had already left the party early for whatever reason, and her assistant felt bad so she took Puck, Tana, and I out for dinner and a movie. When she drop me off, there were cop cars outside of Sam's house and I thought I was going to die. I'd never been so scared in my entire life. I thought he died or something. His Mom was cradling his baby brother and sister close to her with these massive crocodile tears streaming down her face and his father was talking to a police officer. I tried to go over to them but mother's assistant ushered me inside. Once I realized I wasn't getting past her I opted to run upstairs and watch through my bedroom window which to my delight had the perfect view.

*FLASHBACK*

She sprints up the stairs to her room only stopping once she reaches her window. She can barely see through the combination of pouring rain and cloudy eyes; refusing to let her tears fall._ If I cry, that means something's wrong, and he's perfectly fine Mercedes Jones, so you have absolutely nothing to cry about_. Her room is dark with the exception of the light radiating from the sirens outside. Suddenly she feels a firm hand squeeze her shoulder. She screams before turning around swinging.

Sam: Mercedes. Fuck, calm down! It's me.

Mercedes: Sam?

She hugs him tight finally letting her tears fall free. She pulls away and takes in his form. He's damp, and his eyes are red, as if he's been crying too.

Mercedes: What's going on? Why are the cops outside of your house?

Sam: Cause they think I ran away

Mercedes: What! But why? I don't understand-

Sam grabs her by both arms and sits her on the edge of her bed kneeling in front of her.

Sam: Mercedes, I'm gonna need you to listen to me ok, we don't have a lot of time.

She nods her head signaling him to continue

Sam: I'm sorry I didn't come to your birthday party, I really wanted to be there but….My Mom's divorcing my dad. They sat us down today and told us that they don't love each other anymore, and not to feel guilty cause it's not our faults and a bunch of other bull shit. My mother's going back to Tennessee. She's taking us with her. We were supposed to leave a few hours ago, but when I came here to tell you what was happening you weren't back yet…I couldn't go without saying bye to you. I'm leaving cedes.

He hugs her, but she doesn't hug him back. She sits there motionless as she processes what she's just been told.

Sam: I'm gonna miss you cedes

Once he reaches the door Mercedes finally snaps out of the dazed state she was in and starts to panic

Mercedes: Wait! You can't go

Sam: Cedes-

Mercedes: You can't leave me Sam, there has to be something we can do so that you can stay

Sam: There isn't, trust me, I tried everything. I begged, I cried, I promised to be better, but nothing worked.

Mercedes: Fine, then we'll run away

She walks over to her closet and starts throwing some of her clothes and shoes into her duffel bag

Sam: Mercedes, What are you doing?

Mercedes: We can run away Sam; your parents already think that's what you did-

Sam: What about your mom

Mercedes: Fuck my mom; she probably wouldn't even notice I was gone. I'd be doing her a favor

Sam: Mercedes

She ignores him and continues maneuvering around her room throwing things into

Sam: Mercedes!

He says firmly, and she stops in her tracks and stares at him petrified of the words she knows are about to escape his mouth

Sam: You're not running away

Mercedes: Why

Sam: Cause it's not right, your thirteen years old Cedes, you wouldn't survive out there on the streets.

Mercedes: Yea, maybe if I was by myself, but I wouldn't be. I'd be with you

Sam: No

Mercedes: You'd protect me Sam, and I'd protect you, and we would be together, and everything would be ok

Sam: No

Mercedes: But-

Sam: No

Mercedes: You're not even taking it into consideration Sam, just…Think about What I'm saying for one fucking second. This could work.

Sam: No Mercedes

Mercedes: But I can't deal with this big fucking joke that is my life without my best friend, Sam. I can't.

Sam: well you're gonna have to learn, cause I'm leaving cedes, tonight; and there's nothing you, me, or anyone else can do about it. I'm leaving. And I don't know if I'll ever see you again, but I pray to god that I do. I'm gonna miss you cedes, this isn't gonna be easy for either one of us, but its happening; I'm leaving. I don't want to leave you cedes, but I have to, I have to go.

Mercedes: But I Love you

That was the first time she'd ever said it, she hadn't even realized she felt that way prior to that moment in time. She looked into his eyes, her own rimmed with tears as she stood up to her tip toes. She closed her eyes allowing a single tear to escape as she slowly moved in to kiss him. She could feel his hot breath heavy on her lips. Then suddenly her mouth feels cold air as a set of lips press softly against her forehead. He walks to the door, but stops and turns to her before exiting.

Sam: Your just a kid cedes, you don't know what love is.

*END FLASHBACK*

Mercedes: And then he was gone

Dr. Kareamie: How long was it before you saw him again?

Mercedes: Two years, his mother died. So he and his younger siblings Stacey and Stevie had to move back in with his father

Dr. Kareamie: What was he like when he came back?

Mercedes: Different. He had changed.


	6. Chapter 6

Dr. Kareamie: What was it like when you first saw him again?

Mercedes: It was…strange. He was cold; distant. It was summer; hot as fuck out. Me, Tana, and Quinn were chillen on my front lawn reading magazines, bull shitting, gossiping about bitches at school we couldn't stand. Then this black truck pulled up in front of the Evan's house.

*FLASHBACK*

Stacey came running over to Mercedes with the biggest brightest smile she had ever seen, along with the highest pitch scream she had ever heard. She embraced the tiny girl in a bear hug then held her in her arms.

Mercedes: Oh my god, Stacey you got so big!

Stacey: I'm 7 now cedes, I'm a big girl.

Mercedes: Yes you are, where's Stevie?

Stacey: Stevie's at Auntie Sara's house, he's coming tomorrow; Sam and Daddy are in the car.

They all look over to the car to see Sam and his father having a heated discussion. Stacey looks down with a sad expression on her face.

Stacey: Sam's mad at Daddy, he didn't want to come. He wanted to stay in Tennessee.

Mercedes Tickles the girl and a smile reappears on her face.

Mercedes: Well he's gonna have to deal with it, because you're not going anywhere. Don't worry Stace, he's gonna be fine.

Stacey: He was so sad when we had to leave, and now he's sad that were back. I don't get it.

Santana: Stacy honey, all you need to get is that boys are bizarre creatures, and you will never get them.

They're heads all snap up to the sound of a car door slamming. Sam walks straight towards the front door of his house. _Nothing to say, huh_. He looks at Mercedes with a mean scowl on his face, she raises a perfectly arched brow in response_. I don't know why you're looking at me like that, I did nothing to you_. Mercedes is the first to break eye contact at the sound of Quinn's voice.

Quinn: Ok, why is he looking at you like that, and why didn't you tell me he was so hot?

Before she could answer the question Mr. Evans came over cutting the conversation short.

Mr. Evans: Come on Stacey, Its time to go inside and unpack your things

Stacey: Ok daddy, bye cedes

She gives Mercedes one last hug before running into the house.

Mr. Evans: Hey Mercy, how's it goin

Mercedes: Hey Mr. E, not to bad

Mr. Evans: Good, I know you and Sam were close before… He's angry with me right now, so if he comes across a little….. Just don't take it personally.

Mercedes: Thanks for the heads up Mr. E, but you don't have to apologies for him. He's' a growing boy who; I'm sure, is more than capable of comprehending the fact that you and I are two different people.

He smiles and nods at her impressed by her response.

Mr. Evans: Right, well I was wonderin if you would still be able to watch Stacey Saturday night.

Santana: Oh, That's the same night as pucks party.

Mercedes: Yea, I could watch her

Mr. Evans: Its fine honey, if you already have plans, we'll just take Stacey to the baseball game with us.

Mercedes: No its fine, I could watch her. Besides if I remember correctly Stacey hates baseball.

Mr. Evans: Well if you insist; thanks mercy. Good night girls, tell your mother hi for me.

Mercedes: Your welcome, night.

: Good night Mr. E

Santana and Quinn's say in unison wide smiles spread across their faces.

Santana: He could get it.

Mercedes: Oh god Santana.

Santana: What, that is one sexy ass man.

Mercedes: Yeah I guess, if you're into that.

Santana: But anyway, I love how motherfuckers are too good to say hello these days

Mercedes: I know

Santana: What exactly happened with that, I understand him giving me the cold shoulder cause we were never really that close to begin with; but you two were joined at the hip.

Mercedes: He left, we lost touch.

Quinn: Exactly how close were you guys?

Mercedes: We were bestfreinds.

Quinn nods then grins.

Quinn: Did you guys have sex.

Santana: Good question Fabray.

Mercedes: Santana!

Santana: What? I would've asked a long time ago, but the opportunity never presented itself. Anytime anyone mentions trouty in conversation you shut it down.

Mercedes: No! We didn't have sex. I was 13.

Quinn: 13? Oh, ok….Blow job? Hand job? Kiss?

Santana: Yes! keep the questions coming.

Mercedes: No! Our relationship wasn't like that, so just stop with the sex questions Quinn.

Santana: Bullshit

Mercedes: and Santana don't encourage her. Why does everything have to be about sex with you two?

Quinn: Don't worry, you'll know why the second you start having it.

Mercedes: I'll be damned before I ever let sex turn me into you sluts.

Santana: Oh please Aretha, don't go acting all "Holier than thou" on us. I refuse to believe that nothing went down at all those little nightcaps you two had.

Mercedes demeanor quickly changed from playful to serious and inquisitive.

Mercedes: Excuse me?

Santana: I've yet to hear of a coed sleepover that didn't consist of some sort of …..Sexual behavior.

Mercedes: who told you that, did Sam tell you that?

Santana: No Sam told Puck, who told m-

Mercedes: He said that we had sex. _That motherfucker_!

Santana: Not out right, but he hinted that some sort of "Connection" or "Bond" was formed.

Mercedes: wow

Santana: c'mon Mercedes, you never wanted to talk about anything that had to do with him, and we just assumed you had ill feelings towards him for hittin it and quittin it. What were we suppose to think-

Mercedes: Well, let me make myself crystal clear. We didn't fuck; oral and dry included. Hell, we never even kissed. We didn't do anything sexual cause we were **friends**. And now we're not. We haven't been for a long time. Which is why I didn't want to talk about him, I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that I lost my best **friend**. That's it….Sam's an asshole for letting Puck think we had sex.

Santana: That's right.

Mercedes: And you and Puck are cunts for not coming to me about it. It's really lame how quick you are to believe every little fucking thing you hear.

Mercedes got up and walked up the steps of her porch before turning around to make her final statement.

Mercedes: And if you didn't already know, this conversation's over.

*END FLASHBACK*

Dr. Kareamie: Why do you think Sam would want Puck to think you two had sex?

Mercedes: At the time, I had no Idea. But I learned enough about Sam between now and then to know that jealousy is his ugliest quality. Even though he was my best friend, me and puck always had this….unique relationship. He's envious of it, looking back now; I can see that he always has been. Puck's the only person who really, really gets me; all the different sides of me. Sometimes I wish I could love him the way I love Sam. We would be perfect together. A hell of a lot more functional then Sam and I are…were. I don't even fucking know.

Dr. Kareamie: Well, now that you've told me about the first time seeing him again, Why don't you tell me about the first encounter.

Mercedes: I was watching Stacey, and she was crying cause she was scared of the lightning.

*FLASHBACK PART 1 OF 2*

The house was illuminated by dozens of candles, flash lights, and glow sticks; any form of non-electrical light Mercedes could get her hands on. The electricity went out as a result of the roaring storm roaming outside. Stacey wrapped her tiny arms tightly around Mercedes neck as she comfortingly rubbed the child's back. She was pacing back and forth barefoot across the cement floor of the game room in her basement. She thought it would be the perfect distraction from the storm for Stacey, and it was; up until the electricity went out 20 minutes ago. It hurt Mercedes to see the little girl cry. _Where the fuck is your father, he should have been here 2 hours ago. _She began humming nursery rhymes to Stacey, and quickly learned it was the only thing she could do to calm the child down; considering she went from full blown sobbing to spontaneous silent tears. Her phone starts ringing, she hears it but she can't remember where she put it. Once she finally finds it she hits the talk button and prays to god, he hadn't hung up.

Mercedes: Mr. E? Hey, where are you?

Mr. Evans: Hey cedes. Looks like we're gonna be stuck out here for the night. I don't feel comfortable driving through this storm with Stevie in the back seat. Is Stacey ok?

Mercedes looks down at the little girl drifting off to sleep in her arms, and lowers her voice.

Mercedes: Yea, she was a little shaken up by the storm, but she's falling asleep now. So she'll be fine.

Mr. Evans: Good, kiss her good night for me. Night cedes.

Mercedes: Night Mr. E.

Mercedes tries to lay Stacey down on the couch, but she tightens her grip around her neck. She sits on the couch; legs crossed and gently rocks the child in her arms. Suddenly she hears quick swift movement coming from upstairs. Then she hears someone running down the stairs of the basement. _Who the fuck_? She jumps up and tightens her grip holding Stacey closer to her. She reaches behind her and grabs a medal flashlight from the window syl. She turns around to find piercing green eyes staring into her brown ones. He's soaking wet and his clothes are clinging to his tone, muscular frame; giving her a chance to see exactly how much he has grown since he left. As her eyes work their way back up his body, they stop suddenly at the bulge in his pants covered by the thin material of his basketball shorts. _Oh my god, is he. He has to be_. She tilts her head to the side inquisitively. _There's no way he's that big soft_. She realizes how hard she's staring and her eyes shoot up praying he hasn't noticed. _Oh God, Mercedes Jones. What the fuck is wrong with you, get your mind out of the gutter Remember Sam's a cold bitch, and as of today you hate him!_

When she looks back into his eyes she finds that his are now raking over her body. He licks his lips and she becomes self-conscious under his gaze; reminded of the fact that she's only wearing an oversized multicolored flannel shirt; that barely covers the curve of her ass, and boy shorts that were only visible when she raised her arms above her head. His gaze returns to hers and its intense. He opens his mouth to say something but before he can speak she raises her finger to her lips motioning for him to shhh. Mercedes lays Stacey down on the futon bed in the guest room before turning to Sam and Whispering.

Mercedes: How the FUCK did you get in here?

Sam: You left your window open

Mercedes: WHY are you here?

Sam: My dad told me to come over and check on you and Stacey.

Mercedes: Well, you've checked, we're fine….There's the door.

Sam: Cedes

Mercedes: Or you could take the window if you like, and don't call me that. Only my friends call me that.

Sam observes her intently, tilting his head to the side before speaking again

Sam: You're mad at me

Mercedes: You're a lot slower than I remember you being

He raises his voice

Sam: Mercedes, List-

Mercedes: Quiet!

She whispers harshly before turning around and checking for any movement under the covers she mumbles softly gaze still on Stacey's resting body.

Mercedes: You'll wake her up

He responds unfazed by her demand of silence.

Sam: Stace is a heavy sleeper

Before he finishes his sentence she pushes him out of the room. She crosses her arm over her chest and distributes all of her weight to one foot looking up to him expectantly.

Sam: We need to talk

Mercedes: And why in the hell would we need to do that

Sam: Cedes-

Mercedes: Mercedes

Sam: Mercedes. C'mon just give me a chance to make you understand why things were the way they were. I know you want to, its in your nature. That's one of the most beautiful things about you, your ability to forgiv-

Mercedes: Flattery gets you absolutely nowhere Samson

Sam: What will this get me?

Sam reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small baggie of cocaine.

Mercedes: I don't fucks with the white powder, got any gonj?

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the biggest spliff she had ever seen. She looks up grinning at it before grabbing it from his hand and putting it in her mouth.

Mercedes: You have until I come down. Then I want you out of my sight.

*END OF FLASHBACK PART 1 OF 2 *

A/N: This Chapters a little dull; nothing too crazy takes place. But expect for things to heat up in the next .


	7. Chapter 7

*FLASHBACK PART 2 OF 2*

Mercedes lays with her back across the floor, legs thrown over the cushion of the couch as she blows out a cloud of smoke. She turns her head to the side and watches as Sam kneals forward to sniff a line of coke off the table. He sits back on his knees and closes his eyes shut releasing a euphoric sigh.

Mercedes: Why do you do that shit.

Sam: It makes things easier.

Mercedes: What _things_?

Sam: Every_thing_.

They glare at each other for a while before Sam breaks the silence.

Sam: I didn't know what to say to you….When we left, you said some things, and-

Mercedes: I said I loved you.

Sam breaks eye contact and looks off to the side. Mercedes rolls onto her stomach leaning on her elbows before reaching across sams lap to grab the lighter from the table. She absentmindedly pinches the tip of her el before re-lighting it.

Mercedes: And you ran away….but not before telling me I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about-

Sam: Cedes, you were 13 years old, you didn't know what love was, you still don't, people twice your age don't know what the fuck love is. Look at my parents. I listened to them say I love you for years before waking up one morning and learning that in reality they couldn't fucking stand each other.

Mercedes: Right well that's them, and this is me saying that I did love you. But before you go running for the hills, let me make it perfectly clear that I don't anymore.

Sam: See, that right there just proves my point-

Mercedes: What?

Sam: Love doesn't exist. I mean, theres a word in the dictionary that describes what it is, but people don't actually feel it, they don't show it, they don't mean it. If you really "loved" me then cedes, than you'd still love me now.

Mercedes: You're wrong, I cried every night for a month' 30 fucking days, at the thought that I would never see you again. You know what that was Sammy boy? _Love. _I called you every day for a year, three hundred and sixty five fucking days; even though you didn't return not one call, and you know why? Cause I _loved_ you. There's no love more pathetic than that of a pubescent girl. It makes me sick thinking of how persistent I was... hm, so naïve.

Sam: That wasn't Love.

Mercedes: Oh really? Then what was it then?

Sam: It was hope, you missed me, cared about me even, but you didn't love me.

Mercedes sits up on her knees and faces him. As she exhales another cloud of smoke Sam grabs the L from her, but doesn't get to take in much before she pulls it out of his mouth and gives him a scolding look. He smiles at her entertained by her tacticts. She puts it back in her mouth as she regains her composure before she goes on, speaking to him in a tone of an adult trying to explain something complex to a young child.

Mercedes: Sam, honey, its ok if you didn't love me back. I'm at a place in my life where I couldn't give less of a fuck if I was lying lifeless in the middle of a busy street. But don't tell me what I did or didn't feel. And don't tell me that love doesn't exist cause I know it does. I know what it feels like to give and receive it. Your parents, and Stacey, and Stevie all love you. My daddy loved me.

Sam: They don't count, their love is an obligation. I'm talking about love between friends, love within romantic relationships.

Mercedes: Well enlighten me, what is it that all those people who claim to love each other are really expressing.

Sam: Simple; consideration, hope, lust. People use each other, for various reasons, some to get ahead, others to make themselves feel significant, but the most common reason is sex. You don't even want to know the things I had to say to get a girl to fuck-

Mercedes: You disgust me.

Sam: It's not like they didn't enjoy themselves.

Mercedes: How would you know, I'm ashamed to say it, but us females are notorious for faking it.

Sam: You don't believe me?

Mercedes: I don't know; with this big ego you've developed, it just seems like your trying to….

Mercedes breaks eye contact to glance down at his groin tilting her head to the side before smirking up at him.

Mercedes: Overcompensate.

Sam tilts his head to the side squinting his eyes.

Sam: What are you trying to say Mercedes?

Mercedes: What I'm trying to say is, how do you know you're as good as you think you are. They could be lying to you.

Sam: You want details, Ok-

Mercedes: No! I don't want to hear about the whores you've fucked, and we are way off topic here...

The atmosphere in the room quickly changed from flirtatious playful banter to tension so thick a machete wouldnt be able to cut through.

Mercedes: Why'd you shut me out like that sammy?

Sam: I don't know cedes, I don't know…but I'm here now. So let's just make the best of it.

Sam gets up and walks over to the liquor cabinet. Mercedes watches him momentarily flabbergasted by his lack of emotion. She gets up, and walks over to the room Stacey's sleeping in and closes the door. She walks over to Sam and snatches the bottle of E&J from his hands placing it on the counter behind her before turning back to face him with her arms crossed over her chest.

Mercedes: That's not good enough.

Sam: What?-

Mercedes: I'm not playing this fucking game with you Sam. The only reason why your even here is tell me why the fuck you shitted on me your so called bestie for the past two years, so tell me why or get the fuck out-

Sam: Just shut up.

Mercedes: Come again?

Sam backs Mercedes into the counter and she moves her arms from across her chest to against his trying and failing to make space between them. He gazes into her eyes with so much intensity and emotion that she's afraid to look away. Her heart starts beating double time when she feels something hard poking into her belly button. _Oh my god_. He leans his forehead against hers, and squeezes his eyes shut before whispering against her lips.

Sam: where both high as fuck right now, so let's not kill it. I know that if we talk about this right now it'll only lead to an argument and this rock is making me feel too good to have it all come crashing down by being cursed the fuck out by you. And if Mary Jane's not making you feel as good as Aunt Nora's doing me, I have an alternative.

His lips crash into hers, and she can't help but kiss him back with the same amount of force. His hands slide from around her waist to her ample bottom and he caresses it gently before squeezing eliciting a low moan. He seizes the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth, he doesn't expect for her to suck on it. He lifts her up spreading her legs around his waist grinding his erection against her essence. _Oh my God, Oh…..fuck; earth to Mercedes, you should probably tell him you've never done this before, you should probably tell him to slow down_. Mercedes breaks the kiss to catch her breath. All she can hear is the sound of the rain falling outside, heavy panting, and the slapping sound Sam's mouth makes as he sucks his way down Mercedes collar bone.

Mercedes: Sam.

She moans out, but before she can finish her sentence Sam slips one nipple out of her shirt and into his mouth sucking, licking, bitting, willing her to feel nothing but his lips around her breast, and all the pleasure it brings. _Yes… right there_. She moans as she speeds up the rhythm of her grind. Her fingers move from under his shirt caressing his bare back to the arch of his ass under his basketball shorts over his briefs pulling him closer to her. He slides a finger into her hot slick center before halting all movements. He breaks the kiss and takes in the image before him; kiss swollen lips, thick curly lashes tightly shut, soft moans escaping a slightly agape mouth. She continues to grind against his now still form . It takes her a minute to realize he's stopped. She opens her eyes to find him staring at her, but she can't decipher what he's thinking.

Mercedes: What?

Sam: You're still a virgin?

She planned on telling him, but didn't expect such a response. He said it as though it were the worst thing she could be, and she didn't understand why.

Mercedes: Why?

He opens his mouth to speak again but is cut off by the sound of Santana's boisterous voice. She walks down with Quinn in close persuit.

Sanatana: Learn how to answer your fucking phone wheezy! I've been calling and texting non-stop for the past hour…

Mercedes ignores Santana's ramblings and whispers **Does it make a difference?**, loud enough for only him to hear as he places her feet on the ground and takes a step back. She knows she won't get the answer she wants to hear, she felt his body tense the moment he touched her...there. **Yeah, it does** he whispers back. Mercedes was facing Sam whose back was to the girls blocking mercedes from their view. By the time Santana and Quinn had made it downstairs and to the kitchen Sam and Mercedes had gotten themselves together (with the exception of the bulge he was sporting).

Santana: Oh, Am I interrupting something.

Sam: No, I was just leaving.

Santana slowly looks Mercedes up and down arching one brow taking in her attire.

Santana: We missed you a Pucks party.

Sam takes the oppertunity to make what he hoped would be an unnoticeable exit. Mercedes ignores santana not once taking her eyes off of him. Before Sam's hand is can turn the knob of the front door Mercedes soft voice stops him.

Mercedes: Why does it matter?

Sam: I'll see you at school on monday, ok cedes?

Mercedes: God, have you ever answered one fucking question straight in your fucking life!

Sam: Fine! You wanna know why it fucking matters! because virgins are...clingy and extra emotional, and i dont do those. The plan was to come here. Get blitted, smashed, then fuck all night. By the time you would've woken up in the morning I would've been gone, you wouldve been pissed, and we could've gone back to ignoring eachother. But we can't do that now cause your still..untouched. And trust me Cedes, Im not the guy who deserves to take that from you. I'm not the kind've guy who deflowers girls, I'm the kind of guy who fuck's them, and leaves em-

Mercedes smiles up at him, and he furrows his brows in confussion.

Sam: and...why are you smiling?

Mercedes: You care.

Sam: Wow, did you not hear a word that just came out of my mouth.

Mercedes: I heard you loud and clear. You dont want to take my virginity because you dont deem yourself worthy of such a gift. You dont want to have sex with me cause you know you wouldnt be able to toot it and boot it like you've done in the past with your usual hoes because you care too much-

Sam: Ok, Im leaving.

*END OF FLASHBACK PART 2 OF

Mercedes: And then after that everything just kinda... went back to normal. For a while we both pretended nothing happened, and I gave up on trying to get an answer about why he cut me off when he moved away. I gues thats the biggest problem with me and him, we dont talk about our issues, we just ignore eachother till we arent mad anymore, then pretend it didnt happen after we make up. Fucked up, right? We spent alot of time together just getting to know eachother again, as friends. And it was fun, me, him, santana, quinn, puck, and joe pretty much did everything together; went everywhere together.

Dr. Kareamie: Well it sounds like everything was going really good for you at this point in your life.

Mercedes: Yea it was, everything was perfect and simple, but of course it didnt last long.

Dr. Kareamie: What happened?

Mercedes: I was still in love with Sam.

Dr. Kareamie: I thought that you told him that you didnt love him anymore.

Mercedes: I did tell him that, I lied. I had all these feelings towards him and i didnt know what to do with them. Besides, he was kind of a cocky asshole then and I'd be damned if I contributed to inflating that egotistical bastard even more.

Dr. Kareamie: What was so wrong with being in love with Sam?

Mercedes: Well, Quinn had a thing for him, and she asked me to hook her up.

Dr. Kareamie: Well, being that she and santana were your closest friends, i assume that she knew about your feelings for Sam?

Meredes: Well they asked, and I'd always brush it off saying we we're just freinds. So no, she didnt know...that time.

Dr. Kareamie: Well, what did you do when your bestfriend asked you to set her up with the boy you we're in love with.

Mercedes: I told myself that i would mention Quinn to Sam, and if he was into it, I would swallow my pride and set it up, and he was, so I did. It was valentines day and they were suppose to go to this county fair together, but Quinn was chicken shit, and somehow convinced me to tag along, which ultimately turned out to be a horrible idea. In the beggining it was terrible.

Dr. Kareamie: For Quinn, and Sam?

Mercedes: No for me. They were hitting it off, throwing all these overt "covert" sexual inuendoes at eachother, god i just wanted to vomit all over the place. But that wasnt even the worst part. Since it was valentines day, everyone; everybody in that place was coupled up. It was humiliating, at one point we were about to get on this ride and the guy who starts the machine, whatever the fuck they're called. He starts going on this tangent about how the rides were meant for couples only and he just keeps going on and on causeing this unnecessary scene. I dont think I've ever prayed harder in my life to just be whisked away from the humiliation by a prince in shinny armor, but i did. And by the grace of god, Puck showed up out of nowhere and saved me. He cursed homeboy out, and pretended to be my boyfreind, and that was the first time all night i really enjoyed myself.

Dr. Kareamie: Well thats great.

Mercedes: Yeah for me and Puck, not so much for Quinn and Sam. I dont know what happened from when the date first started but the honeymoon period was over. Anyway, Quinn asked me to pull Sam aside and find out what was wrong with him. Quinn and Puck decided we should go on the farris wheel next, but Sam said he was done with rides for the night. I told them I'd sit this one out too, i figured it was just as good a time as any to get answers for Quinn. It was the first time I'd really gotten a chance to look at Sam all night and his solenm demeanor caught me off guard; he looked like he had a lot on his mind. Before I had a chance to begin my interigation he asked me to take a walk with him. Somehow we ended up underneath the board walk, and thats when things really went south.

*FLASHBACK*

They were in a secluded area on the beach looking out to the water from underneath the water. They had both taken off their shoes, wanting to feel the outskirts of the deep blue watter tickle the tips of their toes. Every once in a while she would step in a little further allowing the water to wrap itself around her ankles and lower calf. The sky was a a beautiful combination of blues purples and pinks .The sound of people talking and children laughing resignated in the distance. He was the first to speak.

Sam: He's not good enough for you Cedes, most of the guys in this town arent.

Mercedes: What are you talking about.

Sam: You and Puck-

Mercedes: Were just messing around. We're not really together, he was just...trying to make things more comfortable for me. I mean...look around you, this whole thing was concocted for couples, and up until he got there I'm pretty sure i was the only single up in that bitch.

Sam: Thats not true, you had me.

Mercedes: Sam your here with Quinn, your date. Speaking of which; I dont know whats got your panties in a bunch, but you need to dig that shit out and get back to what you were doing before, cause this into you one second you dont exist the next thing your doing doesnt cut it for girls like Quinn-

Sam: I've already got her all figured out. She's not the kind of girl whose really into dating, to girls like her its a waste of time. She's into getting her needs met. She's the kind of girl who likes you tell her she's beautiful and shower her with compliments to milk her ego then fu-

Mercedes: Careful.

Sam: What I was trying to say is me and Quinn both know where this thing between us is going, so just...dont worry about it, ok.

Mercedes: Look Sam, Quinn is one of my bestfreinds and despite what you may think no, she is not the female version of you. She's fragile, so dont treat her like shes one of your average hoes, cause she's not.

Sam: Well, thanks for the relationship advice, It means so much coming from someone who is completely oblivious to the rules of relationships and the oppisite sex.

Mercedes: Look, its no secret that boys are fucking stupid and i dont understand them, but Quinn is-

Sam: You need to stop worrying about Quinn, and start reminding Puckerman what his role is.

Mercedes: What does this have to do with Puck?

Sam: The way he touches you, its...innapropriate.

Mercedes: Innapropriate Sam? Really? Why does it bother you so much huh? Why does he bother you-

Sam: He just wants to fuck you.

Mercedes: Whats so wrong with that.

Sam: Whats so wrong with...do you hear yourself right now?

Mercedes: I mean, lets be real here, its an option.

Sam: THE FUCK, AN OPTION? NO HE'S NOT A FUCKING OPTION-!

Mercedes: STOP FUCKING! SCREAMING AT ME, and what makes you think YOU have a say- You know what...fuck this, I'm not doing this right now.

Mercedes turns to leave, but she doesnt make it a full step before Sam pulls her back and crashes his lips against hers. This kiss is more possesive, and needy then the first time they had kissed months ago. She finally pulls away when her lungs start to sting and looks up at him with questioning eyes, He looks as if he's going to say something, and by the way he's looking at her she thinks it way be something she wants to hear, but he looks away from her. At first she figures, He's just being...himself, and pulling away from her when things get to deep. But then she glances in the direction his eyes seem to be stuck in and does a double take when she sees Quinns glistening eyes boaring into her. She looks down at her figeting fingers ashamed of whats she's done.

She spent the whole weekend calling and texting Quinn leaving apology after apology on her voicemail. She'd never felt more guilty about anything in her entire life, especially since she hadn't stopped doing what got her in trouble in the first place. Since the incident at the boardwalk Sam and Mercedes hadnt really gotten a chance to sit down and talk about what happened; which was probably because all the time they spent alone together consisted of heavy makeout sessions. Mercedes felt terrible about herself, and what she was doing to Quinn, but she felt as though she had no controll over herself. She knew what she was doing was wrong but she couldnt stop. Wendsday morning she finally got a reply text from Quinn saying to meet her by her locker before class. She could see Quinn exchanging books at her locker, and as she closed the distance between them she debated whether or not she should tell her about all the other times she kissed Sam. By the time she reached Quinn's locker, she decided not to opting to simply apoloigise for what she's been caught with.

Mercedes: I'm sorry, and I know you probably hate me right now, and you have every right, and what I did was horrible and if you never want to speak with me again i get.

Quinn smiled at Mercedes, she raised a questioning eyebrow in confusion.

Quinn: I'm suprisingly not mad at you any more, and I could never hate you, your my best freind. Yes I was hurt, but I'm over it now. I spent all this time just thinking how could she do this to me, and then I stopped and looked back on things and realised that its not really that surprising. I really really thought about it and realised that you've liked him all along, and then i felt kind of guilty for putting you in a situation where i asked you to set me up with a guy you like. But then I didnt feel guilty because i hadnt figured it out at the time and you hadnt told me. And now I'm feeling like one of those clingy pathetic freinds because I couldnt go a full week without talking to you. Anyway I just want things to go back to normal.

The girls envelop eachother in a tight hug before Mercedes pulls away.

Mercedes: Thank god, and I am really sorry about hurting you.

Quinn: I know you are.

Mercedes: And I'm sorry things didnt work out between you and Sam.

Quinn: Well, its too soon to tell dont you think?

Mercedes: Oh, I thought-

Quinn: Calm down, I'm not going to try to guilt you into not going after him. The way I see it, he is officially fair game.

Mercedes: So your saying that your still going after him?

Quinn nods.

Mercedes: Even though I'm going after him? .

Quinn feigns offense.

Quinn: Ouch, that hurt mercy. You know, if i didnt know you any better, I'd think you were afraid of alittle competition.

Mercedes: Moi? Never that.

Quinn smirks at her before reaching her hand out.

Quinn: So what do you say? Shake on it?

Mercedes shakes her hand.

Mercedes: Game on motherfucker.

The girls smile at eachother both equally happy to have their freind back. Quinn throws her arm over Mercedes shoulder dragging her down the hallway to their english class.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

Dr. Kareamie: I dont know many girls who are willing to give their friends a fair shot at winning a boy over that they like, and remaining friends in the process.

Mercedes: Well, thats what was so great about our friendship, we were always brutally honest with eachother, and we always kept our word, so neither of us were worried about any hits below the belt. Looking back on it now, i realise that kissing Sam, thats where I fucked up, It was the gateway of deciet in our freindship. Up until that point we **never** did **anything** to hurt eachother.

Dr. Kareamie: Do you regret turning "winning Sam" into a competition?

Mercedes: No, at the time it was all in good fun. It was still only at the begining of the chaos and fuckery, and I think we handled ourselves pretty well.

Dr. Kareamie: Who won?

Mercedes: Well, Isn't it obvious?

A/N: Excuse my grammar, didn't really get a chance to edit this properly, and sorry for the long wait. I was experiencing a sever case of writers block. Thanks again to everyone for the support, i must have written, and rewritten this chapter over a dozen times, but anyway..i hope you enjoy :))!


	8. Chapter 8

Lost Ones Snippet Chapter 8

Authors Note: To those of you who are still reading my fanfic Lost Ones. Im sooooooo sorry for the wait. This chapter isnt completed, so I'll be re-uploading it as soon as this writers block subsides and I get my shit together. In the mean time, I hope you enjoy this snippet. Disclaimer: I do not own glee,

p.s. excuse any errors, its very much unedited.

Dr. Kareamie: Who won?

Mercedes: Well, Isn't it obvious?

Dr. Kareamie stares at Mercedes expectantly waiting for her to answer.

Mercedes: aren't you gonna guess?

Dr. Kareamie leans forward and pushes her glasses down the bridge of her nose signaling for Mercedes to continue.

Mercedes: You're no fun

Dr. Kareamie: Who won Mrs. Jones?

Mercedes: Sam did

Dr. Kareamie: How did Sam win, did he pick you or Quinn

Mercedes: He picked us both

Dr. Kareamie: and you were ok with that?

Mercedes: Fuck no! Of course not, we didn't know. He played us both, had us thinking we were in these adventurous secret love affairs. I honestly don't know what it was like for Quinn but with us, it was all stolen kisses in the hallways between classes. Secret picnics at his mothers hidden garden behind his house. I should have known something was up, he was always acting shady when other people were around. He'd be extra douchey, like he didn't want to let on that he gave a shit about me.

Dr. Kareamie: How did you find out he was courting you and Quinn at the same time?

Dr. Kareamie watches Mercedes demeanor change as she loses herself within her thoughts. She watches as the once witty charismatic women transforms into a sad heartbroken girl, pain brazen across her face.

Mercedes: I caught them together

Dr. Kareamie: together how?

Mercedes: What the fuck do you mean how! I walked in on him fucking her-

Dr. Kareamie: Calm down

Mercedes takes deep breaths and blinks away the tears once forming in her eyes.

Mercedes: I'm sorry

Dr. Kareamie: Its OK, you don't have to talk about it if you're not ready.

Mercedes: It just hurt me, you know. We had been doing our thing for 5 months, he made me feel like I meant something to him. And no, I didn't officially have the title but I was a naive teenager, treating me like I was his girlfriend was enough. He showed me bits and pieces of himself that I never thought I'd see again. Pieces of the old Sam that was my best friend and protected me from bullies and would never do anything to hurt me. I told him.

Dr. Kareamie: Told him what?

Mercedes: That I loved him

FLASHBACK

She promised herself he'd never see her cry, but she broke that promise; she couldn't stop the tears from falling down her face. He had invited her over to spend some quality time and to make up for ignoring her the night before at Finn Hudson's house party. He spent most of the night flirting with a group of thirsty cheer-i-hoes. He wouldn't admit it and she wouldn't let it go; not this time. He tried to make her seem crazy, and accused her of over analyzing every conversation he had with people of the opposite sex. She makes him feel bad for neglecting her at a party that she didn't even want to go to to begin with, she only went because he asked her to. She accuses him of being ashamed of her. He yells at her to cut the shit, and that if she really does feel that way its due to her own insecurities, as soon as the words leave his lips their followed by an apology. After a long pause she questions why she's even dealing with him, and then she starts talking about how Joe Heart asked her out again. She's finding it harder and harder to make up reasons to say no.

Next thing she knows she's being pinned to his bed by his weight and is forced into silence by the pressure of his lips covering hers in a slow yet passionate dominant kiss. She laughs in her head and adds his impromptu kisses onto the list of things she loves about him. She didn't mean for it to happen, It slips out so fast she doesn't even have time to register the fact that the words actually escaped her lips until she sees the shocked expression on his face. Maybe she didn't mean to say it, but she did, the damage was done. And maybe he didn't mean to reject her, but he couldn't take back the look of pure terror that just crossed his face, or the fact that he didn't say it back. She gives him another 30 seconds to say something, anything before she gets the hell out of there and never talks to him again. Worst part was that it was pouring rain outside and she just got her hair done, her mother would kill her if she came home with her hair wet and she couldn't deal with another confrontation so she was trapped. She'd just hide out in the kitchen till the rain eased then book it across the yard to her back door before any real damage was done.

At 15 seconds the tears are pouring down her face, and she can't bear to look him in the eye any longer so she pushes him off of her and heads towards the door, before she passes through the threshold he's on his feet and pulling her towards him. He guides her back to his bed and waits for her to sit before he takes a seat next to her. She still can't bring herself to look him in the eye, she feels his finger tips against her chin as he forces her to look him in the eye. He wipes away her tears, and smiles down at her as if to say everything will be fine before he leans in to kiss her, but she turns away.

Mercedes: you always do that, anytime things get serious you kiss me and you make me forget-

Sam: its not me, its your lips-

Mercedes: I said I love you!

Sam: ..me too

Mercedes: Then say it

Sam: I cant

She scoffs before attempting to get up, but its as if he's read her mind, and before she knows it he has her arms pinned above her head as he straddles her thighs.

Mercedes: Get off of me!

Sam: No! cause then you'll leave

Mercedes: I wont leave if you say it

Sam: It doesn't work that way, you cant force me to say it cedes

She stops fighting to get away and simply turns her head away from him and reply's in a calm and even tone.

Mercedes: your right...your completely right. You don't love me, and that's OK. Can I go now?

He takes a deep breath as if deciding whether or not to allow the things he's thinking to actually escape his lips.

Sam: Its not that I don't feel that way, I do. And I didn't think I would cedes but I do more than anything. It-its just...that word.

She looks back at him interested in what he has to say

Sam: From what I've seen, that word, it ruins things. It changes things Cedes, and I like how we are.

Mercedes: I don't get it, if you really feel that way than why cant you just say it?

She ask as tears continue to slide down the sides of her face. He releases her arms and lays next to her before wiping her tears away. He made sure to lay on the outside of the bed trapping her between the wall and his body to ensure she wouldn't get away. She still manages to shut him out by turning her back to him. His heart hurts at the sight of the slight quake in her shoulders, he can tell she's still crying by the frequency and intensity of her sniffling despite her attempts to conceal them. He doesn't know how to deal in these situations, its happened before, but he never gave a shit in the past. Usually he'd just let the person leave. He couldn't do that with cedes though, he needed to make sure she was OK. He needed her to know that he cared.

Sam: Cedes, you know how I feel about you. I can't tell you, but maybe I could show you?

She looks at him over her shoulder frustrated with him for not telling her what she wanted to hear, and then not allowing her to grieve her rejection alone.

Mercedes: how?

Sam: Do you trust me?

She rolls onto her back rolling her eyes before nodding in confirmation. Next thing she knows he's above her, one knee between her legs, the other on the outside of her thighs as he pulls his shirt over his head. She's to distracted admiring his six pack in complete awe to notice him unbuttoning the front of her babydoll dress till he's pushing the material aside exposing her pastel lavendar cotton undergarments. He hooks his fingers under the band of her underwear before pulling them down.

Mercedes: Sam?

She whispers through her confusion, shock and excitement. She feels her heart racing in her chest. They had never taken it this far before. Although he's had her nipple in his mouth, it was dark and she was sure he hadnt seen anything. After the night of the storm when Sam learned she was a virgin, he'd never allow things to get any heavier than making out, and the occasional involuntary dry hump. This is the first time he's seen her this exposed in the light of day and she was feeling vulnerable. The feeling soon vanishes and is replaced with something much different once she exits that place in her mind and rejoins the present where Sam has succesfully removed her underwear and is staring at her most intimate area with lust clouding eyes as he spreads her legs wide.

...

...

to be continued ;)


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